Sins of Omission

By Andrew -
Last night something happened that has been troubling me since.

I'm a little fuzzy on the details because I was half asleep, but at 4:30am Jacob woke up to a car in the parking lot below trying as it might to get unstuck from the snow. Jacob woke up Kim and by the time I woke up the whole family was in our bed listening to a struggling engine. From the bedroom window Kim could see that the car had become stuck blocking the passageway of our parking lot, and wondered if we could go down and help push. In my half-asleep state I thought she was just annoyed with being woken up, so I advised we turn up the fan and go back to bed, hoping they would soon stop, call a friend, or...I don't know. I just wanted to get back to sleep.

I finally woke up when Kim said that the car was on fire. I leapt out of bed and called 911 like a superhero. Dispatch told me that someone had already called and thanked me for calling and I hung up. As a family we watched this poor persons car go up in flames while I said things like, "oh my goodness"; "that sucks"; "I hope they have insurance"; and, "wouldn't it be great if it belongs to the people who stole our package?"

In the end, the car fire popped and sputtered but failed to explode in the way that Hollywood led me to believe it should. We watched, took pictures, and regretted that we hadn't intervened before catastrophe struck.

I guess I'm trying to alleviate some of the guilt I feel for not holding myself to the standard that I aspire to. Calling 911 was literally the least I could have done other than doing nothing, which in the end is what my effort contributed. It was -13º F last night (real feel -35º F) but I had warm enough clothes, I could have helped and the effort likely would have cost me 5 minutes and the sleep I was already destined to lose; yet the effect of that effort would certainly have changed this person's morning and quite possibly their long term financial situation depending on what this ends up costing her.

I would like to be the kind of person that dashes to the aid of others. I'm ashamed of how much I considered my own comfort while hoping that the problem (MY problem, as I was experiencing it) would be resolved quickly so I could get back to sleep. I'm worried that my "good heart" is just a concept, but when faced with a moment to exercise it I am not up to the task.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I always enjoy reading your blogs. They're very thoughtful, well written, and are generally packed with sarcasm and humor, or provide some thought provoking statement. Sorry that you feel guilty. Perhaps this is my own way of managing the guilt I possibly feel when I don't jump to another's aid, but I have concluded that some people are blessed with that gift like they were born with some sense of radar and connection when they recognize something that would require the help of another, they automatically respond. Then there are those, who think about it, but for some reason play victim to the Bystander Effect. That's me. But is it really the Bystander Effect if you see others already helping? It's not that my intentions are lazy or malintended, I tend to wait to see if there's someone who is better suited or knowledgeable to handle provide the help, and it could be as simple as my recognition and thought process to immediately help is not as strong as others. Is this my explanation and rationalization to cope with guilt I might feel? Perhaps. At any rate, I wouldn't feel too bad about it, I'm sure you are good person and that there are other areas of goodness where you excel over someone who might instantly jump in to help.
Tuesday, January 07, 2014
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